What we thought Curt would name his first born
Thankfully, we were wrong.
As we approach Season III of the Rich People Conversations newsletter (which is crazy!), you can expect at least a 33% increase in Dad Jokes. Why? Our very own @CyrtHogg has evolved into #DaddyCyrt after the birth of his firstborn, Emma.
What a cutie. Emma is pretty adorable, as well.
With Major League Baseball still in lockout, the only baseball news over the past month has been the controversial, nonsensical and hypocritical Hall of Fame ballots of old, crusty sportswriters making waves on Twitter. So, like any other newsletter with a brain, we’re taking the first opportunity to make content off our sweet, lovable First Kid of RPC.
Ladies and gentlemen, the latest installment of the RPC draft series:
What We Thought Curt Would Name His First Born
There’s a wonderful scene in the eternal Scrubs where JD, the main character, gets to name his mentor’s (Dr. Cox) daughter. It’s absolutely behind Dr. Cox’s back, and glorious in every way. Tom and I weren’t there for the birth for...well, probably a lot of reasons. But one is because Curt knows this would have happened:
Had we had the chance, though, you best believe we would have fired these names off:
Rian Braun Hogg
In classic Curt fashion, he sent over the name “Rian Braun” when he announced to the group chat he was officially a father. (It was how we came up with the idea for this piece.) The name “Rian” is actually pronounced “Ree-anne” and means “little king.” That is adorable. Rian would get grandfathered into shares of Wrigley Field, which her namesake still owns to this day.
The Kid Hogg
If Curt wants his little baby to be an immediate athletic force from the first day of daycare and beyond, “The Kid,” named after the Brewers’ all-time leader in WAR, games played, hits, runs, doubles, triples and walks, is a perfect moniker. I can hear it now: Stepping into the box, No. 19, ‘The Kid’ Hogg! Unfortunately, it presents a few problems down the road. Like, what do you name the next child? It’d be straight from A League of their Own: “And this is our other daughter, The Kid’s sister.”
OHHHHH, or you name the next one Kit! Kit and The Kid. It works on so many levels.
Molly Hogg
It’d be the sneakiest Brewers reference on this list. Our favorite little Wisconsin baby could go around telling people she’s named after a Molly far up on the Hogg family tree, when in reality she shares a name with another RPC favorite – Paul Molitor, a native of St. Paul., Minn., who played 15 years in Milwaukee and served four ok seasons as Twins manager. Molly would be a step ahead of all her peers at Girl Scouts when it came to getting the fire badge as she’d also be known as “The Ignitor.”
Bennie Sheets Hogg
Anyone who knows the leading candidate for 2022 Father of the Year also understands his affinity for right-handed pitcher Ben Sheets, whose 264 strikeouts in 2004 instilled the values of K/9 and straight up filth on the mound in our young sportswriter’s life. B-B-B-Bennie and the Crew.
Henrietta Erin Hogg
A salute to Hank Aaron, obviously, who played in Milwaukee from 1954-65 and 1975-76. It’s a shame no one has been named Henrietta since the 19th century.
Princess Fielder Hogg
We know next to nothing about Curt’s firstborn, but I’ll know one thing: give it a few years, and that kid is going to be hitting taters at a nearby park AND going down the slide. Out of the way, Bernie.
Yasmani Hogg
Curt’s wife can think that she was his first love, and that’s fine. We know it was Yasmani, though. Look, Curt’s wife is an amazing woman who can do a lot of things, but I’m pretty sure she didn’t run a 23.2% walk rate in 2021. I don’t remember her leading the league in framing from 2012-2018.
Christina Yeli Hogg
For the next few years, she’s gonna be the Most Valuable Baby despite many stinky afternoons.
Sally Josephine Hogg
Borrowing from prospects Sal Frelick and Joey Wiemer, two other youngsters that Curt is surely going to spend an inordinate amount of time thinking about for the next 18 years.
Well done, boys.
Y'all overlooked the obvious: Yuniesky Hogg.