One thing learned from all 30 MLB teams in 2021
We say goodbye to the 2021 baseball season.
“The 0-2.”
*Yuli Gurriel hits a soft ground ball*
“Left side, Swanson, to first.”
“THE BRAVES ARE WORLD CHAMPIONS!”
And with those words from play-by-play announcer Joe Buck, another baseball season is in the books. Atlanta finished off its magical playoff run, which included a 7-1 record at home, by besting the Houston Astros in six games.
It was Atlanta’s first title since 1995.
To wrap up the campaign, Rich People Conversations is listing one thing learned from each team in 2021. Let’s get started.
AL CENTRAL
Chicago White Sox: 77-year-old men shouldn’t run. And they definitely shouldn’t run while wearing tight pants.
Cleveland: People hate change. The Guardians is a fine team name (it’s not as good as the Spiders, but I digress) but of course there was an uproar on Twitter when the Baseball Team announced its new nickname for the 2022 season and beyond. I think the Brewers’ rebrand before the 2020 season when they reverted back to the glove logo is the only time a new logo was introduced with unanimous approval.
Detroit Tigers: That anyone can look like the best player in baseball for a week. Remember Akil Baddoo? The third pick in last year’s Rule 5 draft batted .391/.400/.1.043 with four bombs over the first eight games of his career. Can you believe a roster of Twins leftovers Baddoo, Niko Goodrum, Robbie Grossman, Wilson Ramos and Jonathan Schoop won 77 games?
Kansas City Royals: It’s comforting when the Royals are bad. Kansas City had one winning season my entire life before three consecutive (and a World Series win!) from 2013-15. The Royals haven’t been over .500 since.
Minnesota Twins: There’s nothing worse as a sports fan when a team with expectations falls flat on its face.
AL EAST
Tampa Bay Rays: It’s possible for this team to lose a trade. Both of our RPC squads fleeced the Rays -- Milwaukee received Willy Adames, who of course saved the 2021 season – and the Twins acquired prospects Joe Ryan and Drew Strotman for a few months of Nelly Cruz.
New York Yankees: Grown men still can’t grow out their hair or have facial hair on a professional baseball team in 2021. And there are still fans who actually care about this. In 2021. Lol.
Boston Red Sox: The Sox refused to pay Mookie Betts after 2019 and are already good again. Life isn’t fair.
Toronto Blue Jays: All teams look better in powder blue.
Baltimore Orioles: The knuckle ball, unfortunately, is dead. 33-year-old knuckleball pitcher Mickey Jannis only lasted 3 1/3 innings with the worst team in baseball.
AL WEST
Houston Astros: Dusty Baker continues to chew those toothpicks.
Seattle Mariners: The M’s are actually the World Series champions. Yes, the lowly Mariners had more regular-season wins (90) than the Atlanta Braves (88).
Oakland Athletics: An 0-6 start to the season isn’t the end of the world.
Los Angeles Angels: That you can draft for need in baseball. (The Angels used all 20 of their 2021 draft picks on pitchers.)
Texas Rangers: Globe Life Field is baseball purgatory.
NL CENTRAL
Atlanta Braves: Not Shohei Ohtani. Not Mike Trout. Not Fernando Tatis Jr. The face of baseball is Freddie Freeman’s son.
Philadelphia Phillies: Bryce Harper is very good and has never been overrated.
New York Mets: With all these executives refusing to take the Mets’ general manager job, soon enough we’re going to see the team tape one of those “NO ONE WANTS TO WORK ANYMORE!” posters outside their doors.
Miami Marlins: It feels like Derek Jeter has been rebuilding the Marlins since “The Flip.”
Washington Nationals: I don’t think we learned anything about the Nats other than they stink.
NL EAST
Milwaukee Brewers: I will never call the Brewers or Twins the “team of destiny” ever again. Hand up.
St. Louis Cardinals: Rostering a team of players that qualify for the Applebee’s senior discount doesn’t win championships. Or division titles.
Cincinnati Reds: Maybe home runs by Nick Castellanos don’t cause worldwide tragedies. Maybe he’s very good at baseball and everything around us sucks. Lol.
Chicago Cubs: No one looks more handsome in a baseball jersey than Jason Heyward.
Pittsburgh Pirates: Despite his All-Star season for a bad team, Bryan “Ryan” Reynolds did not star in “The Proposal” at the trade deadline.
NL WEST
San Francisco Giants: Baseball can’t be predicted. (None of the three of us had San Francisco as a playoff team in our Opening Day Extravaganza. They finished with the most wins.)
Los Angeles Dodgers: Money can’t buy you happiness. It also can’t buy you championships in a non-shortened season.
San Diego Padres: I’m not mad at the Padres for their failures this summer, just disappointed.
Colorado Rockies: Fans are back. So is home-field advantage. And elevation. The Rockies were 48-33 at home and 26-54 on the road. COORS!
Arizona Diamondbacks: At what point during a 17-game losing streak do you just assume you’re going to take a salty L at the ballpark that night? Seven games? Six games? Ten?
Thanks for reading, friends. And thanks for supporting this hobby of Curt, Jake and I where we can ramble about our favorite sport on a weekly basis.
Lots of words coming your way this offseason.